The Official Diarrhea Song

November 3, 2016

When you're planning where to shit
but it comes out where you sit—
Diarrhea, diarrhea

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The Essential Structure of The Diarrhea Song—Broken Up By Elements

1. A scene-setting preposition, usually just one word will do. Classically, this has taken the form of “When”.
2. The first free-form part of The Song, this should further develop a sense of place, time, urgency, activity or any other useful stage on-which Diarrhea could plausibly occur. The only true requirement for this element is that it rhyme with element #4, below.
3. Insert the mandatory conjunction AND. There are very few hard rules in creation of The Diarrhea Song, the use of and in the middle is a tradition, and as such, an exception to the rule. Please use it.
4. The second free-form part of The Song, this is the punch line. It is here that it will be revealed how one knows that it is, in fact Diarrhea, and not something else. In other words, describe the result of the Diarrhea (i.e.. “You feel something burst”). Keep in mind that this should rhyme with element #2.
5. Add the famous ending that truly identifies your work as part of the long legacy of The Diarrhea Song: "Diarrhea, Diarrhea". If you are a traditionalist, you may prefer the more automata-poetic, "Diarrhea, Plop, Plop, Diarrhea". Both variations are correct, according to the linguistics department.
TIP: When finished, read through it several times, recite it in your head and consider alterate wording if the meter of the verse or affect of the joke are not top caliber. There is a certain cadence that cannot be taught and is reflected in only the finest variations of The Diarrhea Song.

How Can I Get My Versions of the Diarrhea Song Included in This Official List?

If you have Diarrhea Song versions, additions, inventions or variations to contribute please send them to us for immediate inclusion at: diarrheasong@gmail.com.

For those of you who are more frequent contributors, please let us know that you are interested in becoming a contributor to the site directly and we will add you as an administrator to The Diarrhea Song author group. As an author, you will be asked to post directly to the site and keep an on-going journal of Diarrhea Song lyrics that will be permanently archived on this site for posterity.

Thank you!